Pussy Humour

Female Cat In Heat!

Ever seen a female cat in "heat"? Well, it's quite a sight. When she is, she lets the whole world know. She writhes, rubs up against anything and anyone, poses low to the ground with her hindquarters in the air. She may also spray urine to announce her availability by scent making and shouts out her need in hoarse, anguished cries. All the other cats will soon hear her blatant advertisement: "Female seeks males, the more the merrier, for a mutual sniffing, neck biting, shrieking, brief relationship. Apply immediately please!"

THIS IS A VIDEO LINK OF AN ACTUAL EVENT OF CATS MATING IT RELATES TO THE ABOVE TEXT, IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY CATS HAVING SEX PLEASE DO NOT WATCH, THAT WAY YOU WILL NOT BE OFFENDED

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=ctU69NYuEMk

Now, maybe I have you laughing; here is another link, it is a very clever advertisement from China

http://www.jibjab.com/view/136201

I. DOORS
Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on hind legs and scratch the frame. You may also reach under the door and pull clothing towards you; silks get the quickest reaction. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, when it's raining or snowing, or during the height of the mosquito season. Swinging doors must be avoided at all costs.

II. CHAIRS AND RUGS
If you have to turd, get to an overstuffed chair quickly. If you cannot manage this in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there are no Oriental rugs, shag is a good substitute. When turding on shag, be sure you project; it is a must that it stretch for as long as a human's bare foot.

III. BATHROOMS
Always accompany guests to the bathroom. (See Rule I) It is not necessary to do anything - just sit and stare.

IV. HELPING
If one of your humans is engaged in some semi-closed activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping"; humans are known to refer to it as hampering". The following are the rules for "helping": a) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted. b) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself. c) For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you; ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needlepoint projects make great hammocks in spite of what the humans may tell you. d) For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activity), keep in mind the aim - to help! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time. e) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. They love to jump.

V. WALKING
As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human. Especially effective places to strike are: 1) On stairs, when they have something in their arms; 2) In the dark; and 3) When they first get up in the morning. This exercise helps with improving their coordination skills.

VI. BEDTIME
Always sleep on the human at night. If there are two (or more) of you, book end the human putting off the greatest heat. They will try and squirm but your sheer numbers and inert bodies will effectively keep them pinned.

VII. COMPUTERS
1: Only show interest in computers that are turned ON, the operator will need your help.
2: Monitors are bad for human eyes. It might ruin your owner's sight and cause them to buy less cat food. Always get in between the monitor and the person operating the computer. For best results, stands as close to the monitor as possible. If you are removed, go and sulk in a corner for a minute, then repeat. Look as innocent as possible.
3: Keyboards are great to lie down on. Make yourself as comfortable as possible. Marching over the keyboard several times is fun too. Practice aiming at alt-F4, N, and ctrl-alt-del. (I ACTUALLY WANT YOU TO TRY THIS)
4: Always chase the mouse. Your owner can't blame you for this, since it's your feline instinct to chase mice.
5: Floppy disk make great scratching posts. Nothing beats floppies when it's time to sharpen your nails.

I am a cat lover the following game is for mature open minded people, please play game with no sense of malice.

Clay Cat Shooting

Cruel but harmless entertainment on your desktop for lunch breaks :: click here

Hint once you hit (sic) the kitty, keep following kitty, shooting kitty as kitty rebounds around, what you have to do is end up shooting kitty's head from body.

Now I did WARN YOU this is a game of FUN Intentions Only

NOW IF YOU DON'T LIKE DOGS

http://www.tripletsandus.com/80s/80s_games/duckhunt.htm